I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
