Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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