There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
