i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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