i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
