if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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