Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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