I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
