youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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