Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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