You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just pee around me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
