Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize