You can't motorboat a personality
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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