you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
