Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
