i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
