so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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