I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
