I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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