Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
