I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
