Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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