I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
