Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
