You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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