Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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