I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize