he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
