that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
