you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
