Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
