Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
