Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
