You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize