ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
