it's like iHOP with fire
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
