she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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