I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
