The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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