did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
