I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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