Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
