I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
