And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
a search helicopter?!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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