Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
