Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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