If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
