Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize