So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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