She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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