If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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