i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
