Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
