Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
