i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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