this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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