I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sober January is a disaster.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
