He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
