We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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