Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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