it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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