Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
