At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
