i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
