When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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