Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
