i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
