he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
