Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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