Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
