if you like me you must not know who I am
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
