Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
