Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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