Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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