Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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