The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
