I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
