Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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