Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
