Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
