If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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