its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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