Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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