I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
