Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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