oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
