what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
